dedication

I have had my Blackberry for a year this week, and with that came the downloading of frivolous social networking apps. I've been using Foursquare pretty much since I got my phone.

When I checked in at the gym yesterday afternoon, I noticed it said I had checked in 98 times. First I was excited that I've gone so many times, then I realized that I've gone that many times in just one year. Since I plan to go for my usual classes this week, I will actually hit 100 check-ins within one year, and that makes me proud. About one-third of my days this past year involved exercise at the gym (I have actually exercised outside of that too).

It's a little pathetic to admit, but Foursquare is actually part of the reason I've gone so often. When you attach useless points to a check-in and establish mayorships, it keeps my competitive side happy. I rack up useless points, and for about three days, I was mayor of my gym. Looking past the silliness of it, it's a small personal accountability system. "Come here often? That's three times this week!" Something is keeping track of how many times I go, and it keeps me informed. I'm also on a 20-week gym streak that I can't bear to break anytime soon. Of course that means as much to me as the physical progress I can see in myself.

It's easy to think this situation isn't so tough - then I remember he's been gone for less than two weeks. It's easy to think I've got this and I can make it until he comes back - then I remember that's not for another 28 days. It's easy to savor the phone calls and Skype nights - until I realize just how fiercely it makes me miss him being around in person.

So far, it's been manageable. I've been lucky to have distractions that keep me from getting preoccupied with missing the physical contact and the sharing a bed parts of it. I can only hope that the rest of this month stays just busy enough. Being a bridesmaid in one of my best friends' weddings is starting to help tremendously. With the wedding less than three months away, we're getting into the swing of all the events, and it's been giving me things to do and reasons to spend the weekends in New Orleans. This past weekend was just what I needed - beautiful weather, a solo road trip, time with my friend, people watching at the bridal boutique, a Saints game (even though it was absolutely heartbreaking), shopping, food, drinks, the French Quarter, my friend's awesome cat. I get to look forward to the bridal shower in early February. I get to look forward to a Matt Nathanson concert in Baton Rouge mid-February, my first concert of the year and someone I'm very much excited to see as a headliner for the first time.

I get to share all fun wedding activity times with my friend, I get to see a great concert, and I get to hang out with my friends...and soon enough, I get to spend all of Mardi Gras with him. I can do this.

free speech?

It's been interesting to see just how many people are being vocal against the SOPA/PIPA bills due to today's big blackout. I've signed the petition, I've shared the petition on my Twitter, and I've blacked out my Tumblr.

And I can't stop thinking about the potential ramifications of these bills passing. I understand the point is to curb online piracy. That would be fine - if you could determine a clear threshold for piracy/copyright infringement. And since many of the people who hold the power don't hold much of the intelligence, it's a quick downward spiral. Anyone could be shut down for posting anything not easily proved as original thought. And who posts only original thoughts? Copyrighted content is everywhere, and it's impossible not to share. No more posting song lyrics in a blog post. No more posting a photo you love, but didn't take. No more sharing brand names. No more uploading concert videos of songs you didn't write or perform. Hell, you wouldn't even be able to make "the Egg McMuffin of" jokes. Yet, the sharing of copyrighted content can be beneficial. It can boost sales, because you were able to check something out online. It can help you stay in the loop. That sharing is the reason for so many online outlets.

Humans, by nature, share. And there's a difference between sharing and stealing - but do you honestly trust these people to know and respect that difference?

I find it funny that the MPAA, one of the organizations behind these bills, is calling today's blackout a dangerous gimmick, that it will hurt the websites' own users. Oh, will it? Because if your bill passes, it will hurt users even more, and for a longer amount of time. Yes, we can live without Wikipedia for 24 hours. It will hinder a lot of people. But even moreso, these bills will hinder a lot more people. These websites aren't doing this as a gimmick. They're doing it to make everyone realize just what these bills have the power to do.

And I find it even funnier that the MPAA is behind this - trying to hinder the sharing of copyrighted material, leaving everyone to only original thoughts, when it seems that the movie industry can't come up with original films anymore, and rely on remaking old movies. Isn't that ironic?

more resolutions

Because January 16 is not too late to be adding new year's resolutions.

One evening last week I was having a conversation with the guy and I ended up making a joke about how I was too chicken to actually attack anyone if I ever needed to, and realized how pathetic that makes me sound. I got the idea then that I want to take self-defense classes this year and learn how to kick some ass. I have not found a class yet, but I am doing my research, and this will happen by the end of the year.

And today I am starting my pretend diet, or what I prefer to call "getting back to how I used to eat." As of today I am cutting out soft drinks (like I used to do for months at a time), only drinking coffee when I have soymilk to pour in it (no nondairy creamer, which is all we have at work), and not eating meat (like I did for almost two years). While I still tend to eat fairly healthy, I used to be a lot healthier. I've noticed my conviction against eating meat has slipped lately, but deep down, I still care too much to let it all go. Maybe I need a repeat viewing of Food, Inc. to light the fire under my ass again. And I can use my Pinterest obsession as actual motivation now, by keeping a collection of vegetarian recipes pinned for lunch and dinner use.

I feel that a lot of times, when girls go through breakups, they come out the other side, reinventing themselves in a sense. A part of shedding the past and going forward, different. When I was ending a 4 1/2 year relationship almost 2 years ago, I cut my hair in a style I'd never had before. And got a tattoo (even though it wasn't directly related to the breakup, it was a part of that summer.) I suppose in this most recent breakup, part of my reinvention was up and going to New York, on about as much of a whim as I can manage.

But then this past weekend I made a less grand, but still significant to me, reinvention. I bought a new set of sheets in a new color. Now, I've had the same sheets for years. Cream colored bamboo silk. And I'm absolutely in love with them. They keep getting softer and they're just synonymous with my bed and my space. But I decided that it was time to get another pair. Robin's egg blue organic cotton. I washed them and put them on my bed, and realized it didn't feel or look like my bed at all. I told myself I'd have to get used to them, and the different texture. But after a night (and some cold medicine), I decided I really liked them. They're very comfortable. And they're fresh. And beautiful. A new beginning. A set of sheets that I have not yet shared with anyone. (They are, of course, waiting for the next time the guy comes home.)

I don't know how long I'll be in this apartment, but I feel like I'm standing here ready to completely embrace it. I want to make it truly feel like my home.

As much as I already miss being up North and being with friends and wish the trip could've lasted longer, I'm glad to be back. I slept so well in my bed, I don't have to wear a jacket and I don't have to wear skinny jeans and boots.

Though now I have to face my mess of an apartment. It currently looks frozen in a Christmas daze and I'm all about moving forward.

content.

With only a couple little setbacks, this past week has been pretty amazing. I have finally been to New York and it was just as epic as I thought it would be. New Year's Eve was nothing short of an adventure - one that involves a club in a hotel, too much open-bar vodka, a massive cut/bruise that still isn't healed caused by someone else's high heel, walking barefoot back to our hotel, and wearing pajamas and a coat to a diner sometime before passing out. We only scratched the surface of the city, but we did so much in a short amount of time.

And then there was the trip to Pennsylvania. Much more laidback and much more about spending time with someone, rather than accomplishing to-do items. It was a really nice few days away from the rest of the world, in a place full of mountains and single-digit temperatures.

The entire thing feels like a dream now. Did it all really happen? Did I really see Times Square on New Year's Eve? Was I really standing on a snowy, frozen mountaintop when it was probably 0 degrees? Have I really been disconnected from my real world for almost a week? (Even with checking in on Twitter/Facebook every so often, I still felt disconnected, but it was what I wanted and needed.)

I do suppose the massive bruise on my right calf and the pathetically stuffed carry-on suitcase serve as my tangible reminders that yes, I accomplished a bucket list item and got even closer to someone in the process.